She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
