The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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