I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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