I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
