You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
