my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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