I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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