his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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