took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
