oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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