I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
