I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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