Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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