you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
