i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
