apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
