If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize