I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
