Your face is a jimmy john
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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