Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
