people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
