Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
