When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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