Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would ride that face into the sunset
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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