My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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