i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
