Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
