I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
