Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize