pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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