Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't EVER smell your tampon
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
