um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
