I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
