Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
