So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
