saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I will be naked everywhere
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize