It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
false alarm. still invincible.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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