honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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