My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
