Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
