When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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