Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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