im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
