I CAN MOONWALK!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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