He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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