They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
