I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
