Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
