My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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