last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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