How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
