woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
