The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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