i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
