I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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