So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
