i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize