I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
