If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
