did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
either way he was missing a nipple.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
