why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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