my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
