that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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