All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
