oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
where does the pee come out of this thing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
