Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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