those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
