Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
